Payback Time

When my kids were small, between them they managed to build up an impressive collection of ‘ways to embarrass mum’. From the errant finger up one’s nose during parents evening, to the loud accusations aimed at unsuspecting individuals in the supermarket checkout queue (yes, that really did happen), they were experts.
Now the proud owner of two tweens and one teen, the tables are turning in many areas of our lives (their social life is better than mine for starters) and I think it might be time to divulge my tried and tested list of ‘ways to embarrass my children’. Yes, it’s payback time folks!

1. ‘Like’ their photo on Instagram. Simple but very effective.

2. Find a really old photo, pop a cutesy status underneath and tag them on Facebook.

3. Invite their new secondary school friends round for tea (preferably ones you have never met before) and burst into song just as you’re dishing up.

4. Volunteer to help out on a school trip. This one only really works on children in Year 6 and above.

5. Insist on holding their hand to cross the road. Works a treat if you’re in a busy town.

6. On their first secondary school residential, take all their siblings along and wave them off with an unnecessary level of enthusiasm. Squeezing out a tear at this point also works a treat.

7. Plant a smacker on your son’s face and throw out an ‘I love you’ as you say goodbye to him at the school gates. The more cool mates in the vicinity, the better.

8. When out on a family bike ride, fall off the bike and watch your offspring scatter quicker than you can say ‘bomb scare’. Bursting into tears adds an extra something.

9. Arrive at the school disco 10 minutes earlier than arranged and walk in to let them know you are ‘ready when they are’.

10. Take them to a pantomime and join in (very loudly) with every “he’s behind youuuuuu” that you can.

11. When the cast of said pantomime ask for a ‘volunteer from the audience’ make sure that your hand is up first. Even if not picked, the mere thought of it will be enough.

12. Sit next your child on a roller coaster and scream louder than all the other riders put together.

And the icing on the cake?

13. Start a blog and tell loads of really embarrassing stories about them!

I am currently working on a few others involving some impressive dance moves, dropping in text speak during conversation and wearing clothes that are clearly not meant for my generation….will keep you posted!
Have you got any successful methods of embarrassment that I could add to my repertoire?  
I would love to hear them *evil laughter*.

    32 Comments on Payback Time

    1. Mummy Glitzer
      March 14, 2014 at 7:50 am (3 years ago)

      As much as I fear the tween and teen stage, I am also looking forward to it for these reasons. Xx

    2. Older Mum
      March 14, 2014 at 10:10 am (3 years ago)

      Ha! Brilliant…. I think liking their photos on any form of social media especially instagram has to be the best though; I remember when my Dad briefly joined Facebook with a full on corporate photo shot and friended me *cringetastic* …. I was 36/37 at the time, *I still shudder at how embarrassing that was*. X

    3. Emily Tealady
      March 14, 2014 at 11:01 am (3 years ago)

      Ha ha I have a few years to go before I have to implement embarrassing mum but these are great suggestions! My mum was great at calling us by our family nicknames in public and also in a busy shop holding out underwear and shouting “do you want a full brief or a thong” is a great one – although my Nan did that to me! I could have died x

    4. Jess McGlynn
      March 14, 2014 at 11:56 am (3 years ago)

      Haha, love this post. I have stored these up for future years 😉

    5. Alison Bloomer
      March 14, 2014 at 1:22 pm (3 years ago)

      Brilliant. I shall be keeping this list and using it in the near future. xxx Mawhahahaha

    6. Kathryn Grant
      March 14, 2014 at 2:18 pm (3 years ago)

      Very funny!! Coming home early from a night out when your kids are hosting an “empty”, then exclaiming loudly “Kaaaaaathryn, who has been drinking my Pimms??!?” was a killer for me… :)

    7. Hurrah For Gin
      March 14, 2014 at 2:19 pm (3 years ago)

      LOVE this post Suzanne – makes me so excited about the older years :)
      I still remember being so embarrassed by my mum kissing me in the school playground! Liking instagram photos is genius x

    8. Angela
      March 14, 2014 at 2:48 pm (3 years ago)

      I used to find it so embarrassing when my Mother would tuck her shirt into her sweatpants.

    9. Ashley Rogers
      March 14, 2014 at 2:58 pm (3 years ago)

      These are genius! Back when I was in elementary school and the slang word ‘dog’ came out (Wassup Dog), I quickly stopped using slang words when I called my mom ‘dog’ in a very full restaurant and she started barking! The level of embarrassment was under the table with me the rest of dinner LOL

    10. Nayna Kanabar
      March 14, 2014 at 4:14 pm (3 years ago)

      OMG this list is super getting your own back list.I think my kids would file a “divorce” case on me if I did this.

    11. Sue
      March 14, 2014 at 6:02 pm (3 years ago)

      Love it, have done quite a few of these and more, as I say to my boys, the purpose of being a parent is to be embarrassing!

    12. Claire
      March 14, 2014 at 7:27 pm (3 years ago)

      Laughing out loud. That is all!

    13. 3yearsandhome
      March 14, 2014 at 8:47 pm (3 years ago)

      Oh my, I am bookmarking this for when my boys are bigger!

    14. sharon powell
      March 14, 2014 at 9:04 pm (3 years ago)

      Great post! I’ve done nearly all of these :) The true joys of having a teen and a tween :) x

    15. Kate Davis
      March 15, 2014 at 12:08 am (3 years ago)

      We haven’t got to this point yet and I hope we’re several years ago. In fact several of these things are expected. B had her first disco recently and asked me to stay, and she has only just learnt to participate at a pantomime but needs a bit of encouragement to get her started.

    16. Anonymous
      March 15, 2014 at 3:39 am (3 years ago)

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    17. SarahMummy
      March 15, 2014 at 9:42 am (3 years ago)

      Oh my goodness, that cracked me up. I need to work a bit harder on this. A whole new world will open up when they’re on social media! Yesterday daughter stopped me from waving at the school bus to prevent us embarrassing her brother!

    18. Steph Curtis
      March 15, 2014 at 1:26 pm (3 years ago)

      Brilliant, definitely filed for later use. Love how times have changed though – liking social media accounts, very funny. It’s easy at the mo while my 8yr old daughter doesn’t realise I get to know everything she likes or writes.. pretty sure she’ll outwit me soon though!

    19. Izzie Anderton
      March 15, 2014 at 2:24 pm (3 years ago)

      All true and here are a few more you might want to try…
      Try to beat all their scores on Just Dance, take them to concerts and sing louder than everyone else, love each and every one of their music choices, refer to them by nicknames in front of their friends and tell them how much you love them wherever, whenever!

    20. Jenni Clutten
      March 15, 2014 at 5:59 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m looking forward to doing all of these!

    21. Katie @mummydaddyme
      March 15, 2014 at 9:13 pm (3 years ago)

      Haha this is brilliant, it made me laugh out loud! I shall look forward to doing some of these. ;0) Great post! x

    22. Vicky Myers
      March 15, 2014 at 9:33 pm (3 years ago)

      Great fun:) not quite at that stage yet but will remember in the future:)

    23. Franglaise Mummy
      March 16, 2014 at 11:26 am (3 years ago)

      Oh this is fantastic! My 7 year old is already beginning to get embarrassed and I wonder at what stage my blog will start to be a cause for embarrassment. I love the ones with hand-holding and kissing, I’ll be returning to this post in a few years’ time when I need inspiration 😉

    24. bkb80schild
      March 17, 2014 at 8:30 am (3 years ago)

      Ha I remember aged 14/15 and unwillingly being dragged to our local panto with my parents and younger relatives – to embarrass me my dad had given in my name in at the panto reception and thus I was picked to go on stage!!!! – (I think with Cannon&Ball or and someone from Emmerdale -cringe) TOTALLY mortified! ha – I will remember this – my two are 7&8 My eldest speaks her mind *always* the last time we went to church on leaving, whilst shaking the vicars hand she announced “Well goodbye that’s the last time you will be seeing me”! I wanted the ground to swallow me up!!!

      • Suzanne W
        March 18, 2014 at 4:49 pm (3 years ago)

        Ok this comment wins – I love it!

    25. Judith Hurrell
      March 17, 2014 at 3:44 pm (3 years ago)

      Mwah ha ha! I am noting these down for future reference. Payback for the little one’s total lack of social niceities at the moment. Don’t worry littlies, I too can humiliate you socially. Great post.

    26. Michelle Twin Mum
      March 18, 2014 at 9:17 am (3 years ago)

      Ohh you are such an evil Mummy but I like it! lol Mich x

    27. Claire Toplis
      March 18, 2014 at 7:37 pm (3 years ago)

      Hilarious * add to this when they are playing on their console and I say if you are rude I will say loudly you want your Thomas Duvet on when you are on line. mwahaaa

    28. Jess Paterson
      March 19, 2014 at 3:04 pm (3 years ago)

      Ha ha ha, love this! I am printing it out and saving for when the time comes. I love the embarrassment on social media tactic – effortless yet effective! x

    29. normaleverydaylife
      March 30, 2014 at 9:56 pm (3 years ago)

      These are all great! I have five kids ranging from ages 9-18 and it’s amazing how easily embarrassed they are sometimes. I found your blog through Share with Me and I love your writing style! :)


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